So Long!

a new poem

So Long! 


I screen all the time now. 
I’m like a Hollywood actress 
hiding out in the hills.
Except I’m right here 
on 85th and Broadway
watching the store 
across the street get torn down. 
I never did learn to grocery shop 
or be a regular person (sorry).
Mostly I went in there to buy tulips
though they rarely had white ones
so I’m glad they’re going out of business. 
Bye! Why does everyone think 
endings are so terrible? 
This world wasn’t meant 
to be inherited by the weak. 
If you can’t make it, so long!
“You’re different now,”
everyone started telling me 
after my third or fourth year
in New York. Next summer 
it will be twenty. Next summer
there better be white tulips
for sale across the street 
or I’m calling Mamdani.
Hello!? Sir. I’m a gay guy in Manhattan 
who needs a guide on: 
HOW TO BE A REGULAR PERSON.
Put it at check-out!
Give me a QR code! 
Before I’m ready to end it all 
like Britney in 2007. 
People don’t even leave voicemails 
anymore, can you believe that?
Except my friend in LA who tells me
the guy we were both obsessed with
(and who sells vapes in Los Feliz)
finally told her his name. 
Petros. I thought he was Russian, 
not Greek. Another disappointment! 
Can you see me? 
I’m here on the internet 
but I was in LA once
in my 5 inch shorts 
walking to Yoga Vibe 
and fantasizing about 
my politically incorrect
brute, Russian boyfriend.
Yeah, I know! You all wanted him.
People want a lot of things
they can’t admit to. 
But you have to be honest 
about what you want to get it
or stay an artist. 
You can’t pretend to be a tulip
when you’re really a snake.
Or you can, actually. 
Because this is America 
and you can do 
whatever fucked up thing
comes to mind.
Plenty have done it. 
Plenty have taken themselves out
or each other, and you know what,
that’s too fucking boring. 
Don’t do it. Just live
and say what you want. 
Besides, I’m Alex Dimitrov 
and I’m here to tell you
that no one can judge you.
Only this poem and God.

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