NYC Diary #12

MONDAY

2:32 a.m. I’m writing a series on the 7 deadly sins. So far I’ve done Gluttony, Envy, Sloth, and Lust. They put me in a strange mood. It’s not the usual euphoria I feel after writing a poem. More like a layer over something. And that layer makes me do bad things.

TUESDAY

6:56 p.m. Can’t sleep without Xanax. Or reading a chapter of Didion’s Play It As It Lays. Or Bret Easton Ellis’s Less Than Zero. I’ve been doing this for years. Alternating between the two. Short chapters. They are my favorite novels. And I’ve read both over 60-70 times. When done with one, I start over. Go to the other. Then back again. They make me feel like my anxiety is okay. And I go out by the pool and think about simple things. Like someone giving me a kiss. Or buying a beautiful car that will never leave me.